musical confusion

Like any other low-level employee chained to their desk in a cubicle, I love Pandora. But Pandora has some new features that I am not so sure about.

For instance, Pandora suddenly knows who my friends are and what music they like. I think this has something to do with Facebook, since when it tells me one of my friends likes an artist or song, it pops up with their Facebook picture. I do not recall connecting my Pandora to my Facebook. Then again, I do not recall lots of things, so I could have done this. It has also been brought to my attention that Pandora could be lying about which friends like which artists. This could be to make me feel less like a weirdo for liking certain things, but that seems like unnecessary enabling on Pandora's part. There was an incident in which Pandora accused a friend of liking Creedence Clearwater Revival and she insisted she did not. I don't know who to believe anymore. (For the records, yes, CCR did pop up on my Pandora, but I told them I did not want to hear anymore of that. Who am I, a 50 year old man? Sheesh Pandora.)

Please note my awesome skills using Paint. You can also judge me on my stations all you want. To each their own I say!

Another excellent feature Pandora has added is they occasionally place the lyrics of the song playing under the song. This has caused me, more than once, to do a little chair boogie while lip-syncing. This is embarrassing when your boss comes into your cubicle and you are rocking out to Kings of Leon or something.

I think my favorite feature of Pandora, which I'm pretty sure they've always had, is that they tell you why they are playing a particular song, based on the songs you have "liked". For instance, when people ask me what kind of music I like I can now reply with confidence that I enjoy music with "basic rock song structures, subtle vocal harmony, major key tonality, and extensive vamping". That sounds SO much better then "Oh, I don't know...a little of this, a little of that. I enjoy show tunes and Jay Z, in other words." So, Pandora has taught me a lot about myself.

They also have embedded audio commercial breaks, which can be extremely startling. I don't need a commercial break about Plan B emergency contraceptives when I am just trying to bop about to Barbara Streisand.

Now, I wasn't lying before when I said I have an eclectic taste in music. I really do enjoy show tunes and Jay Z. But a word to the wise: don't try to add all your favorite music to one Pandora station. Instead of it becoming the most epic and awesome play list you could ever construct on your iPod, the station will inevitably just become all trance music, all the time. Trust me on this one. Jay Z and Hairspray do not play nice together.

things my boyfriend does

Day late, as usual. Never mind, let's see what we have for today shall we?

My Boyfriend Can't Find Things

I know this particular habit is not exclusive to my Boyfriend alone (then again, most of the other stuff he does is, from what I understand, common to menfolk). He can never find anything. As we all know, he's not the neatest person out there, but he can't even remember where he put something he just had in his hand five minutes ago. He's a bit careless like that. 

He also tends to just leave things lying around where they don't belong, which probably leads to his inability to find anything. You know who ends up finding everything? That's right, me. I find his underwear tucked into the couch cushions. Belts and shirts draped on every surface. Socks everywhere! Under the coffee table, in a dusty corner of the bathroom, tucked under the cabinets in the kitchen. Sometimes, tangled in the bedsheets when I crawl into bed at night. 

Remember these from the SATs?

Tumbleweed is to Desert as...

         a. icecream is to potatoes

         b. fisherman is to mountain

         c. socks are to my apartment

The correct answer is C. (When in doubt, 'C' your way out, right kids?) Those things roll around in the breezes from the AC all day long. It's awful. Then he complains he has no socks. He does, they're just no longer living in his sock drawer.

He often shuffles into the kitchen, opens the fridge or a cabinet, stares inside for a beat or two, then closes the cabinet and shouts to me "Where is the mayo/bag of chips/sauce/cheese?" or "I thought you bought pasta/cookies/granola?"

"I did," I'll reply, "They're in the cabinet/fridge."

"Nuh-uh, I just looked." Then I will sigh, get up from what I was doing, open the cabinet or fridge, move something aside, and voila! The snack he so desperately wanted.

Boyfriend works nights, which means I am fast asleep when he leaves for work around 12:30am. The other day I was working on my computer when I noticed his keys sitting on the desk. 

"I'll bet he doesn't know these are here," I thought to myself, "He never puts his keys here. I should move them or remind him he left them here." How right I was. Only I forgot to mention this to him. That night, as I slept peacefully, dreaming of shopping sprees and french fries, I was awoken by a kerfuffle. 

Boyfriend had barged into the bedroom (seriously, he slams doors OPEN, not closed), turned on the lights, and was grumbling "I can't find my keys!"

"They're on the desk." I pointed groggily, cursing myself for not telling him while I was awake. 

"You KNEW they were there THE WHOLE TIME." He huffed, and stormed out. The whole time of what? The whole time he was looking? Well yes, I did. But I was ASLEEP. Maybe if he put them where they belonged.

I'll often get text messages while I'm at work and he'll ask me where something is. For instance, this past winter, his tax returns. 

"They're on the dining table." I tell him. No, he says he checked and they're not there. 

"Alright, look in your boxes." I bought him two neat little black storage boxes at IKEA which I use as repositories for all his junk. They make me happy. 

"They're not in there either!" I can tell he's whining by the tone of his text.

"Well I don't know what to tell you. I know I put them on the table and I told you 80 basquillion times not to lose them!" Then: radio silence. A little while later, I get another text:

"I found them."

"And where were they?"

"On the table."

I don't know why I even bother sometimes. Though when I get to say I TOLD YOU SO it is extremely satisfying.

thieves!

I just want everyone to know that I made up the word wogging weeks ago! It's my new favorite workout. I can't believe this person stole my word.

http://www.fitsugar.com/Treadmill-Workout-Burns-300-Calories-8071311