30 for 30: day 20

Outfit 20, only ten more to go! I can't wait to be reunited with the rest of my wardrobe. Granted, I have been wearing my other clothes in between outfits, but I feel like I have a sudden fear of having too many options. I keep wanting to fall back on my 30 items even though I am sick of them. It's like some weird remixing side effect. I want the rest of my clothes, and yet they frighten me. It might also have something to do with the fact that in my head it is spring yet outside it is cold still. If only the real world matched my imaginary world! Holy crap, that would be AWESOME actually. 

[30 items: black blazer, green thermal, jeggings, black flat boots/necklace - American Eagle]

I'm beginning to grow out my bangs. Not because I don't like them anymore, but because I want them long enough to pull back before the humidity sets in this summer. They won't hold up well once the heat hits. I think I'll cut them back in come fall though. I think I'll miss them!

And finally, a little note about my mom. Every time she catches me taking pictures she comments on how vain I am, taking all these pictures of myself and posting them on the internet. This coming from the woman who has never passed a reflective surface without checking herself out. Well today my brother and I went outside to take pictures just as my mom was getting home. And he caught this lovely little moment:

She saw the camera and immediately struck a pose. Work it, Mom.

mum's the word

Mum's the Word

Time for another story about my darling mother. She actually found the last one quite hilarious (she's a good sport) so I thought I would do another one.

My mother has troubles with pronunciation. It's a miracle I speak even half as well as I do after growing up listening to her speak. I can only figure she learned these terrible speech habits as a child, in school, since as far as I have noticed neither of her parents speak badly. My grandmother is actually a pretty accomplished wordsmith. She's into crossword puzzles and those elusive word jumbler puzzles in the paper. So here is a list of words my mother commonly mispronounces:

Library - "I just want to stop at the liberry on the way home." Yes, my mother says "liberry" like a toddler.

Breakfast - "The best part of going on vacation is going out to breffast every morning!" Replace the K with an F and you too can say "breakfast" just like Mom!

Pumpkin - "Are we having punkin pie?" Yep, another toddler-style pronunciation.

Bathing Suit - "I own 126 million bading suits." How does one "bade"? Why do you need a special suit to go "bading"?

Dungarees - This isn't actually a mispronunciation, but who still calls jeans dungarees?! Mother, that's who.

Flip-flops - She calls them "thongs". Sadly for her, a thong is now underwear and when she goes on and on about which thongs go with which bading suit people look at her funny.

Chimney - "Do we need to have someone come clean our chim-en-y?" We know where she got this one, and we're all looking at you, Mary Poppins..."Chim-chimeny, chim-chimeny, chim-chim-cheroo..."

Wheelbarrow - Up until a month or two ago, she thought this was a "wheel barrel".

Facade - Up until last week this was a "fa-kade".

And the classic Mother Mispronunciation Moment: she was playing Scrabble with my aunt and asked her to look up a word to make sure it was actually a word:

Mom: "It looks like a word...but I'm just not sure..."

Aunt: "Well what is it?"

Mom: "Mow-ve. M-O-V-E."

Aunt: "M-O...You mean MOVE?!"

Miss Thang Herself

[Note: This list is by no means comprehensive. I'm sure I've forgotten some doozies and I'm sure she'll come out with something new any day now.]

mommie dearest

This post is brought to you by request of a dear friend (hi Matt!). Most of my friends get a kick out of my mother and all the stories I tell about her. Why hasn't she been the star of her own "Things My Mother Does" column? Well, simply put, she won't allow it. When I told her that I may someday run out of topics for 'Things My Boyfriend Does" she said right away "Well, you're not writing about me!" She knows I love to talk about her. I'm just trying to be an adoring daughter, sheesh!

Well guess what Mom? I am disobeying you. Today's post is all about YOU (this also serves as a test to see if she even reads my blog). I'm just going to start with something everyone who has met my mother knows about her:

My Mother is Loud

Quite frankly, I could leave the entire story at that. My mother has never done anything quietly in my life. She's a bit hard of hearing, in one ear in particular, so she is constantly saying "WHAT?! YOU'RE ON MY BAD SIDE." Because obviously screaming back at a person you can't hear will fix the problem. Better yet, she'll just smile and nod and look glazed over, which is a clear sign she knows you're speaking, because she can see your mouth moving, but has not heard you. The very best is when you are not in her direct line of vision but you're trying to get her attention and you've called her name about fifty times, then finally resort to screaming "MOTHER!" and she gets startled. My brother excels at this approach.

Anyway, probably due to the fact that she can't hear, my mother speaks much louder than necessary. Especially when she's over-excited or talking with my equally loud aunt. It's an issue in our family that we all talk at the same time. We have an ability to carry on multiple conversations with multiple people at once, everyone talking over one another. Outsiders find this odd and stress-inducing. So when my mother and aunt get together, it's often just a screaming match. Mom's sneezes are earth-shakingly loud. Her laugh can be heard for miles. She turns the TV volume up to glass-shattering decibels. She's been known to wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and start vacuuming, with no regard whatsoever as to how much noise a vacuum makes. 

Mother's loudness is most often noticed when she's on the phone or ordering at a drive through. I'm not sure she has quite grasped the wonders of modern technology. She answers the phone and it's as if she is trying to make her voice carry directly to wherever the person is located, rather than letting the phone do the work: "HELLO!?" She has a special land-line phone for deaf people that lets her turn the volume up as loud as she wants, so you can hear both ends of all her phone conversations as if the other person was in the room with you.

Cell phones are even worse. She can't do much about the volume on her cell phone, so she thinks that because she can't hear the person on the other end of the line, they can't possibly hear her. Screeching ensues. Her newest car is Bluetooth enabled, which means she is often seen just screaming into the dashboard as my aunt's voice reverberates through the speakers. It makes for very pleasant road trips, let me tell you. It's especially good when she pulls up to a drive through and appears as though she's talking to herself. 

Drive throughs are another issue with her. She's actually been reprimanded by a Dunkin' Donuts employee for shouting into the order speaker. So, if a sand colored SUV with a woman simultaneously sneezing, screaming into her car dashboard, and ordering a "MEDIUM ICED COFFEE WITH JUST ONE SPLENDA" (and, usually at the last second, "FOUR POWDERED MUNCHKINS!") is in line in front of you at Dunks, give her a honk. She probably won't hear it, but that's my Mom.

Hi Mom! Who you talkin' to so loud?