wax paper

Wax paper is not parchment paper.

When the recipe says to line a baking sheet with parchment paper and then place the chicken on top of it and bake for 25 minutes at 400 degrees, don't use wax paper instead.

Even if your box of wax paper says "safe for the microwave!" A microwave and an oven are not the same.

If you use wax paper instead of parchment paper you will peek into the oven to see how your oven fried chicken is coming along and be hit in the face by a plume of toxic smoke.

This will cause you to run into the bedroom where your boyfriend is sleeping, screaming "HELP! THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE! I HAVE SET THE KITCHEN AFLAME!". So said boyfriend, in a half-asleep stupor, leaps from bed and sprints to the kitchen in his underwear to see what you've done.

The kitchen is filled with the most foul smelling smoke ever. The smoke detectors don't go off, to your relief, because that's all you need right now. This is also concerning, since THE KITCHEN IS AFLAME and the smoke detectors don't seem to care.

He'll open the oven and bravely reach a dishtowel covered hand inside and pull out your tray of oven baked chicken and wax paper. The wax paper is smoking HEAVILY.  He will drop the tray unceremoniously on the stove, tell you "dinner is ruined, you can't put wax paper in the oven," and go back to bed.

"And open a window," he'll say over his shoulder as he closes the bedroom door behind him.

You will scoff, peel the chicken off the wax paper and transfer it to a baking sheet, sans any kind of extra paper goods.

And even your boyfriend will admit the chicken was actually delicious, once you salvaged it.

But you shouldn't put wax paper in the oven.

winter wonderland?

We finally had our first snow of the season here in New England. In typical New England fashion, they predicted a dusting and we ended up with three inches. Not that three inches is anything, but it sure isn't a dusting. One of my co-workers is from Virginia and I think this is her first winter as a New Englander. She was saying yesterday afternoon how she's heard all about these New England winters and the snow and how she was beginning to think we were all lying.

I'll have to ask her how her walk to the train station after work yesterday was.

My cubicle is so secluded from the outside world, I had no idea it was even snowing until I left the building yesterday. On my way out someone was saying to me how people always forget how to drive the first time it snows and there would probably be a lot of accidents out there. She wished me luck driving home. I gave her a look like she was crazy, since the last time I looked outside there were like, two flakes on the ground. Then I stepped outside. And cried a little. And got out my Sno Brum.

The driving wasn't terrible, but people were crawling along the highway like idiots. There was a lot of road gunk flying up on my windshield and my windshield wiper fluid was frozen. So this morning, when I couldn't see through the road spit congealing on my windshield, I said to myself,  "Self, you know how to put windshield wiper fluid in your car because you are A Modern Woman. Why don't you stop at the gas station and buy some so you can see and don't crash and die?" So that's exactly what I did. Only I couldn't get the hood of my car open. I know how to pop it, but I couldn't find that damn latch to open it all the way. It wasn't where I thought it would be (aka, in the correct location). Then my fingers got cold. And I have grease under my fingernail. And the not very kind Samaritan in the big pickup truck next to me didn't offer to help. So I said "Screw this!" chucked the bottle of windshield wiper fluid in the car, and drove off with zero visibility.

I figure I can try again after work. Or lurk in the parking lot looking distressed until someone helps me. This Modern Woman would rather be a Trophy Wife.

i got the budget blues

I feel like I've probably addressed this before on this blog, but I am addressing it again - more so for myself than anyone else. So if you don't want to read about my monetary woes and the new budget I am strictly enforcing for myself, then you'd better just leave right now. Go on, scram.

Okay, all the budget haters gone? Good. Let's proceed.

I recently got a raise at work, which was really exciting because obviously this meant I'd have more money. Then I got to thinking about what I wanted to do with that money. I know that, more than anything else, I want to buy a house. I don't like renting - the idea of giving my money away and not owning anything in return bothers me. Especially when it comes to something as personal as your home. However, I am nowhere near being able to afford a house, and definitely not on my own. Boyfriend and I would be buying a house together, but even then we'd both have to save for quite some time in order to even afford a down payment on something decent. Sadly, we live in a part of the country where your money just doesn't go very far when it comes to buying a house. I know whatever we buy will have to be a fixer-upper, but even then we can barely afford a run down old shack! I know we'll find something perfect for us when the time comes to begin looking...but we'll never be able to start looking without some money in the bank first!

So I am imposing a  budget on myself. Obviously there's nothing I can do about bills that have to be paid, so after factoring those out of my income, this is the budget I am allowing myself [*Note! I live at home currently, so that is why I have so much money kicking around]:

Shopping: $200/month
(clothes, accessories, etc.)
Entertainment: $100/month
(movies, food, etc.)
Emergency Fund: $50/month
(as in, extra pocket money, this is not for medical emergencies or any kind of real crisis)

This may seem insanely generous. I know there are people out there way better than me when it comes to spending and saving, but I am just not very good. I am decent with saving money - as in, I have a savings account and I contribute to it as often as I can - but I also feel no remorse about dipping into it to buy a new pair of shoes or something. Also, the AmEx bill has got to go. To be honest, I probably spend a lot more than $200 a month on clothes and stuff. And I don't need clothes! I have plenty! I am going to embrace the art of the remix. I am also going to try to spend my clothing allowance on better quality things. I will not be blowing it all at Forever 21. I think I may even have a specific store or brand I will spend the $200 each month. Heck, some months I may decide not to buy anything at all!

I'm going to have a spreadsheet at home where I keep track of every penny I spent on anything that isn't a bill. As soon as I hit that $200 mark, I'm finished.

The $100 entertainment fund will be spent on going out to dinner, grabbing drinks, the movies...anything like that. That's plenty, I think. Because you know what's fun and free? Hanging out at home playing board games and watching movies with your best friend.

The $50 emergency fund is money that I will keep in cash, in an envelope, at my house. If an impromptu diner comes up and I've spent my entertainment fund - I'll have that to dip into. If there's an article of clothing THAT I WILL DIE WITHOUT - I'll dip into the envelope. I figure I won't need to do this every month, so the money in the envelope will eventually add up. Then I can use it on weekends away or something.

Fingers crossed, this will allow me to save a big hunk of cash every month! This all sounds so lovely and logical written out, doesn't it? now let's just see if I can manage to put my words into action...wish me luck!

Now it's your turn. Are you on a budget? How's it working out for you? Do you have a shopping addiction like me? How do you keep yourself from going all Becky Bloomwood every time you step into a store? Leave a comment or shoot me an email.

the end of the world as i know it

So this is it. The last day. Tomorrow marks September first and thus the beginning of my entire month of no buying clothing. I am kind of freaking out, but I also have a weird sense of relaxation. Of course, the relaxation is probably brought on by me fantasizing about the other things I will buy instead of clothing. Here's what I scored in a mad frenzy to buy whatever I could this past weekend:

Marc Jacobs Latin Phrase Ring -$3

Marc Jacobs Swallow Earrings -$32

ring only found at Marc Jacobs stores, earrings can be found at shopstyle.com

Jamie and I spent the afternoon in Boston on Sunday (more on that in another post). Happily, that meant we got to hit up Marc Jacobs for some affordable accessories and also to drool over shoes and bags. 

Forever 21 Leatherette Jacket - $34.50

I. Love. This. Jacket. I have wanted a cropped leather jacket (faux or otherwise) for the longest time. I do have one, but it's not quite so motorcycle-esque, which is why I really like this one. I plan on putting it over every dress I own once the weather cools down. It is the softest, squishiest fake leather too. (Note: blogger is telling me I spelled "faux" wrong, which I did not, but has nothing to say about "squishiest" which feels made up. Hmph.)

And that's really it! I did buy a work out tank for yoga, and to be honest I will probably buy more in September, but I think work out clothes should be excluded, seeing as I truly have none. I go to yoga twice a week and need a clean outfit each time as I sweat like a you-know-what in church. I don't have the time or inclination to do laundry more than once a week, thus I need more workout gear. The tank I bought (and am about to test-drive for the first time) is Under Armor, bought on sale at Nordstrom. I can't imagine a plain work out tank is interesting enough that anyone will be upset I am not including a photo. Google it if it is bothering you that much. :P

Oh and I did purchase a sweater dress and a pair of tights at French Connection, but they were bought with store credit and so I am not counting them! (I am feeling very sassy with this post, can you tell?) You will get to see them come fall when they are inevitably included in an outfit post. 

What do I plan on spending my hard-earned money on in September that isn't clothing, you ask?

Wa-BAM! Super Mario Galaxy 2 my friends. I will be hibernating for all of September with this, waiting for October, when the mall is once again a safe haven. Just me, Yoshi, and those adorable little stars. Special times are just ahead.

mum's the word

Mum's the Word

Time for another story about my darling mother. She actually found the last one quite hilarious (she's a good sport) so I thought I would do another one.

My mother has troubles with pronunciation. It's a miracle I speak even half as well as I do after growing up listening to her speak. I can only figure she learned these terrible speech habits as a child, in school, since as far as I have noticed neither of her parents speak badly. My grandmother is actually a pretty accomplished wordsmith. She's into crossword puzzles and those elusive word jumbler puzzles in the paper. So here is a list of words my mother commonly mispronounces:

Library - "I just want to stop at the liberry on the way home." Yes, my mother says "liberry" like a toddler.

Breakfast - "The best part of going on vacation is going out to breffast every morning!" Replace the K with an F and you too can say "breakfast" just like Mom!

Pumpkin - "Are we having punkin pie?" Yep, another toddler-style pronunciation.

Bathing Suit - "I own 126 million bading suits." How does one "bade"? Why do you need a special suit to go "bading"?

Dungarees - This isn't actually a mispronunciation, but who still calls jeans dungarees?! Mother, that's who.

Flip-flops - She calls them "thongs". Sadly for her, a thong is now underwear and when she goes on and on about which thongs go with which bading suit people look at her funny.

Chimney - "Do we need to have someone come clean our chim-en-y?" We know where she got this one, and we're all looking at you, Mary Poppins..."Chim-chimeny, chim-chimeny, chim-chim-cheroo..."

Wheelbarrow - Up until a month or two ago, she thought this was a "wheel barrel".

Facade - Up until last week this was a "fa-kade".

And the classic Mother Mispronunciation Moment: she was playing Scrabble with my aunt and asked her to look up a word to make sure it was actually a word:

Mom: "It looks like a word...but I'm just not sure..."

Aunt: "Well what is it?"

Mom: "Mow-ve. M-O-V-E."

Aunt: "M-O...You mean MOVE?!"

Miss Thang Herself

[Note: This list is by no means comprehensive. I'm sure I've forgotten some doozies and I'm sure she'll come out with something new any day now.]