Wednesday, September 28, 2011

i will kick you, GPS

So. I got lost on my way home from work yesterday. This seems a little crazy, since I've been driving this same route home for almost three years, but I have a good excuse. There was a detour. Is there any more dreaded site on the road than a detour sign? Well, probably, but a detour is still pretty stress-inducing.

This detour was poorly marked. It was all "Detour! This way!" and then just left you there. I needed a follow up, because unless told otherwise, I am going to continue going straight until I get to my house. If that's not where this detour is taking me I need to be informed. I'm a step-by-step kind of girl.

Anyway, I quickly realized I had missed a turn somewhere, so I decided to just wing it and take the next left I saw and hope for the best. I had my GPS, what could go wrong?

The next left was called Pineswamp Road. I should have known. Yet I happily turned down Pineswamp Road. "Oh look at the trees and the fields, this is the scenic route." I told myself. Then things started to get real piney...and swampy...and the road got real narrow. And I saw the "Not a Thru Way" sign. I took out the GPS. Only to discover you cannot acquire satellites on Pineswamp Road. Shit.

I managed to keep my wits about me. By "keep my wits about me" I mean, slammed my hands on the steering wheel while shouting "STUPID DETOUR!" and turning around. And I kid you not, the satellites were acquired as soon as I got to the end of Pineswamp Road. And they guided me safely home. But not before the GPS could get in a few digs - "When possible, make a U-turn," "re-calculating." You shut up, you condescending GPS lady. She really gets on my nerves sometimes.

Today at work I discovered I am violently allergic to my office and was having sneezing fits and my nose became completely stuffed. I can't work with a stuffed nose, so I desperately needed to find a drug store to get some allergy meds. Since, after three years, I am still completely unfamiliar with the town in which I work, I had no idea if they even had a drug store. GPS to the rescue! I plugged in "drug store" and was on my way. Only to discover the directions had two steps. Turn right, destination ahead on the left.

I felt like an idiot. The tone in which that damn GPS lady gave me the directions didn't help either.  At least my nose wasn't stuffed. Even though I hate that damn GPS, and her damn obnoxious voice, I couldn't live without that thing. I am terrible at getting places on my own. Global Positioning Systems - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.


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