Monday, March 21, 2011

the cake curse

I have a Cake Curse on me. I'm pretty sure it started the year I got my Easy Bake oven. There was a blizzard on my birthday that year, so we couldn't leave the house to pick up the cake. I was secretly grateful - the parents had planned a bowling birthday and I couldn't imagine anything I wanted to do less. So we ended up having an Easy Bake oven cake with a candle in it. Yeah. Sad. I mean, anything that came out of the Easy Bake oven was pretty much just lukewarm batter.

I don't think I have ever had a decent cake since then. A few years back I asked for a cake from a fancy bakery I'd heard about somewhere. They had cakes that looked like the ones they made on the Food Network - you know, fancy fondant and fun shapes. I wanted one so badly. So my mom went to the bakery to check them out. My mom bypassed the ones shaped like Louis Vuitton bags and Tiffany boxes and high heels in favor of one that looked like it was meant for baby's first birthday. It was pastel. It had little rosettes on it. It was a beautiful cake and had she not told me beforehand that they had ones shaped like Tiffany boxes and Louis Vuitton bags I probably would have enjoyed it more. It's not that I didn't enjoy my Baby's First Birthday cake, but I really wanted that Tiffany box cake.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Mom said, "The Louis Vuitton bag one was really something..." Thanks, Mom. Rub it in.

Then I tried asking for cupcakes instead of a cake. Like, a tower of cupcakes. How amazing right? Mom either forgot or totally half-assed things, but I ended up with gross, dry cupcakes from one of those warehouse stores that sell things in bulk. Like she was grabbing 50 rolls of toilet paper and saw some cupcakes and she decided that would be a good idea.

Last year, my aunt decided to make me a homemade cake. It was a perfectly lovely, if maybe a bit lopsided, cake. I mean, it wasn't poisoned or anything, so that's always good, but it also wasn't a Louis Vuitton bag cake.

Oh and my college graduation cake? Hannah Montana. No, that's not what we ordered. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have all your friends watch you be presented with a Hannah Montana cake when you've just graduated college?

This year my mom and aunt were super excited. They thought the cake was going to be AMAZING. They had this thing in the bag this year. But of course, when Mom went to go pick up the cake, it was the wrong one. I'm not even kidding. I don't know how my mom didn't burst out laughing in the middle of the bakery. What could she do? They didn't have time to make a whole new cake. She brought it home anyway. They showed everyone pictures of what the cake was supposed to be - all cupcakes arranged in a flower shape with Tinkerbell on top! A princess cake! Because I was the Birthday Princess! We ended up with what we thought was a regular sheet cake with the same Tinkerbell on top.

But lo and behold, when we went to cut the cake, it was actually the cupcakes! For whatever reason the people at the bakery had decided to slather frosting on the sides of the cupcake wrappers to make it look like a sheet cake. It was bizarre, but I still got my cupcakes! And they were delicious. So maybe my Cake Curse is finally reversed? I hope so, because I don't want to think of the disaster my wedding cake will be if I'm still cursed.
Yes, I wore my Gryffindor Quidditch shirt on my birthday. ;P


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